'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
