I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
