How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Randomize
