I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
