new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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