I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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