I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He passed out mid-signature
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
