Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
