from now on my penis is your penis
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
