you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
