I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
