Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
