A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Enjoy the penises
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
