oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
