I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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