Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Randomize
