we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
