I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
