You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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