he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
