like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
