Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
