apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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