JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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