if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
