Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
