Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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