I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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