He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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