I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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