I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
