he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
