I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
