like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
