6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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