i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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