There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
If its not for food we ain't going out.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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