Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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