is your mom at the bar?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
