Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
