I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
