At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
