Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
