He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
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