Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
