I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
