There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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