If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
