jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
