All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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