dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
