are you so shy because you have an std?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
