I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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