i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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