so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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