Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize