You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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