is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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