I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
