Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
