I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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