Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
