Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
