If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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