Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
