I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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