dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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