I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
