After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
