I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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