It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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