I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
