Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
