if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
It's official drugs can't kill me
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Randomize