I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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