Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
