Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
