I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
