Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
The air was thick with penises
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
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