I will die if light touches me.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
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