I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Randomize
