when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Shame - the story of my life.
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