I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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