I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
