I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
