please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
