im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Randomize
