She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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