is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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