I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
