I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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