one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
How external is "for external use only"?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
