Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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