Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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