My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
