We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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