I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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