Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize