Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
