Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
