You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
