WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
