matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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