Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
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