it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize