perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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