Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
